Monday morning, i was given a number by my brother. He ask me to try ask the guy whether that the company is hiring ID onot. And my bro said that the company that im in now, doesnt related so much with ID, so ask me to try ask another company. So, i confuse and felt lost. Because i already persuade hard myself to take that job and now asking me to find another company?!! This news really put into very bad mood on that day, i think and think and think... Eventually that day i didn't ask.. Cz i don't know should i ask, should i try, i always consider alot before made some decision, and because of think too deep and details so therefore i always came out with negative thinking. Just considering should i try and ask, this already spend me whole day long on bed just for these stupid question. Because i was thinking what if they really hiring, what if they want me to interview, i should straight buy air ticket and just for interview? , or while i start work in Sg just look for a chance to interview? what if they want to hire me then how should i tell my boss.... and bla bla bla.. and i do some online research and felt that this company's project seems not bad and made me get more lost. So all this silly question bothering me for the whole day long and i still can't came out with a decision. Tot wanna chat with frenss and asking opinion because i seriously hate and afraid to make decision, but well.. all my friends were so busy. Guess this mean i need to be more independent and should not always seek for help, no one can help u made decision except urself.
Till night i decided to sleep and not to think anymore. Everything leave to the next day. So next day, early in the morning my bro text me again and ask did i ask and how was it, wake me up from sleeping mode again and so, i start think again.. After a while, i get tired to think again so i just told my bro i dnt wan to ask, just try to work at his company first and if is really not suitable then just find again, while that time easier for me to interview and at least i wont regret in future because i've tried on that company and isn't shrink back without trying. I thought after told my bro this then i will feel release for not changing plan, but then my bro said at least try this one 1st, becase bla bla bla... so finally i get 'pek cek' and so i just whatsapp the guy and ask immediately without consider anymore, but i dono i should felt lucky or unlucky now, the guy said that his company actually not really a design firm as well, if i work there then i also will be doing drafting only which is not that easy. So ofcz i didnt take this job.. While i felt release again, that guy replied, said he can introduce me some design firm for me because he have some frens working in design firm, and will let me know by this week. Get frustrated again, this meaning i need made another decision within less than a week before i leave?????
GOD, i knew i beg u all the times. But can YOU guide me this time, which road i should choose. Am i on the right path now? Work at there will be the best escape for me?.. I know myself can't bear any stress or frustration, i know i just couldn't handle it and face it all alone there. By choosing work in Sg and under this company, i spend alot of time and determination only can persuade myself to have a try, to leave my friends and family while i know im not a independent person. I'm already enough suffering for making this decision. Is this the path that u want me to take, if it is, please don't gave me another decision making chance again. Although by this i might get better opportunities and working environment, but who knows. I really can't bear it anymore. If YOU put me into another decision making, i scare i will regret, i scare i will choose to stay. That time, i really don't know how to face my family and friends anymore, i don't want to get look down by them....
*****i know im complaining too much for my life, seems very immature, and yea i admit that. But im not complaining now, im just expressing my feelings.. Is so suffer to kept all this feelings in my heart.... Friends... any activities or plan can let me wreak out hardly and crazy playing with u all for at least a day, before i leave here? so at least i wont leave here with loneliness feeling
(*｀へ´*)..
******
